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it's 16 Sep, 2024 4:48 pm

Recognising my parenting style and changing my parenting style exercise

Health Area(s): Brain Power, Communication Styles, Emotional, Intellectual, Occupational, Parenting Styles, Personality Disorder, Personality Types, Physical, Social, Work Life Balance
Health Area(s): Brain Power, Communication Styles, Emotional, Intellectual, Occupational, Parenting Styles, Personality Disorder, Personality Types, Physical, Social, Work Life Balance

field_5f0c304c72876 - is the title of the exercise

Exercise Summary

Parenting styles: What kind of parent are you – and how is it impacting your kids?

Ever wonder what your parenting style is?

When it comes to raising a child, there is certainly no one specific way to do it that is strictly right or wrong, which is why so many different parenting styles exist.

Every parent has the freedom to adopt the parenting style they believe is most effective, in both disciplining their child and helping shape them into the best version of themselves that they can be.

Although there is a vast number of parenting styles that have a lot of conflicting qualities, there are some that also share many commonalities. These similarities allow us to identify parenting styles as falling within certain groups.

Scroll through to learn about six different groups of parenting style and see where you fit on the parenting spectrum…

Main Activity

Study, educate and create an action plan of activity

The following was written by Niamh McCollum and published by GoodtoKnow:

1. Parenting styles: Attachment parenting
Attachment parenting is a style of parenting that focuses on the physical closeness between parent and child as an imperative for an infants’ emotional security.
It is based on a theory that suggests babies and children need emotional and physical closeness to their parent in order to develop into stable adults.
Attachment methods include avoiding all negative thoughts about pregnancy, breastfeeding and using nurturing touch by engaging in co-sleeping and joint baths with your child, as well as carrying them in front-facing baby carriers.
2. Parenting styles: Permissive parenting
Permissive parenting is one of the most lenient parenting styles, whereby parents avoid all confrontation and punishment with their children by refusing to set ground rules.
Permissive parents are more concerned with being seen as their kid’s friend rather than an authoritative figure, and they tend to form a strong bond with their children.
Although permissive parents form a very strong bond with their offspring, children may exhibit more behavioural problems later on in life, as they don’t appreciate authority or rules.
3. Parenting styles: Tiger parenting
Tiger parenting refers to one of the authoritarian parenting styles favoured largely in families of Asian heritage.
Tiger parents demand that children follow a gruelling schedule of intensive studying and extra-curricular activities, particularly in high-earning, in-demand occupations such as law and medicine, then measure their children’s success by these achievements.
This style of parenting may allow children to become more productive, motivated and responsible. Critics believe, however, that this approach stifles the true creativity and individuality of children, as they’re given very little room to pursue their own interests and make their own choices.
4. Parenting styles: Helicopter parenting
The term ‘helicopter parent’ was first used in Parents & Teenagers, a book written in 1969 by Dr. Haim Ginott. It is used to describe parents who hover over their children like a helicopter and is ‘overly involved’ in their lives.
Experts tend to believe that in almost every case, helicopter parents are acting out of love and a desire to do the best for their child – however they just take it a little too far.
Helicopter parents are likely to know where their kids are at all times, which is an important safety consideration, however, it has also been criticised as shielding kids from natural consequences in life such as loss and failure.
This prevents children from developing their own coping mechanisms for negative events that may occur in their adult lives.
5. Parenting styles: Therapeutic parenting
Therapeutic parenting is the term used to describe another high nurture parenting style that fosters feelings of safety and connectedness. This style of parenting, however, tends to be more commonly used so that traumatised children can begin to heal and attach.
Therapeutic parenting provides a way to meet these child’s needs, so that they can feel safe again. It involves setting aside traditional parenting skills such as time-outs and corporal punishment, in favour of PACE, which is a methodology that aims to make a child feel safe so they can learn to trust.
PACE involves a parent adopting the following approaches:
Playfulness: creating an environment of lightness and interest when communicating; for example, using a light tone when telling a story and expressing fun and joy over being stern or irritated
Acceptance: showing acceptance of their child’s wishes, feelings, thoughts, urges, motives and perceptions without judging or evaluating
Curiosity: showing that they understand their child’s behaviour. Curiosity also helps parents teach their child how to understand their own behaviour
Empathy: feeling compassion and the emotions of a sad or distressed child and actively showing this so their child feels understood. Parents would offer support, comfort, love and commitment.
It is often regarded as being exclusively for traumatised children who have nearly always been in care, but it can also be used with securely attached children, too.
It can be hugely beneficial to children, as it allows the child to form healthy attachments to others and build trust in adults.
6. Parenting styles: Authoritative parenting
Authoritative parenting is one of the strictest parenting styles, as authoritative parents are often viewed as disciplinarians.
Infamous for uttering the words ‘Because I said so’ when a child questions the reasoning behind a rule, they’re not interested in negotiation and their focus is on obedience.
Authoritative parents’ expectations of their child, for example, their success in sports, academics or music, are very high with limited flexibility.
Advocates of this parenting style argue children tend to be more disciplined and understand what’s expected of them, due to strict rules being in place.

We suggest a frequency of: Weekly
and it could last 1
hours

Video

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Summary

Play

The Four Parenting Styles
Is your parenting style working? You might be surprised at how your parenting can actually affect your child’s personality. Listen now!
Parenting Styles | Scout O’Donnell | TEDxTheMastersSchool
Scout O’Donnell’s talk will explore the current trends in parenting science from both a sociological perspective and from the point of view of children.Named after the strong-minded, independent young girl in To Kill a Mockingbird, Scout O’Donnell grew up in Vermont and Connecticut. The alternative ways in which her parents chose to raise her contradicted the ways experienced by her peers at the competitive prep school she attended in her early years. In this TEDx talk, she relates her story of maturing into the independent girl she was named after. She shares not a doctor’s perspective or that of a parent or psychologist, but her own perspective on the best way to raise a child and progress in society as a product of alternative parenting.

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All areas of health are interlinked

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Find your initial focus

You might think that physical, financial and mental health are quite separate, and for some people they are. However, often a problem in one area has a knock-on effect on others. Losing your job can lead to anxiety and depression, which can turn you to drink and impact your health.

You might have a severe issue in one area but that can lead to problems in other areas, and the people treating you for the first problem won’t be equipped to deal with these linked issues.

For example, doctors and nurses can treat you for a physical problem but can’t advise you about your job or finances.  Nor for the anxiety that comes with it, apart from prescribing some drugs, which might or might not be the best solution.

We encourage you to take a holistic view – we look at all areas and offer support across the whole spectrum.

health areas interlinked

Even this view of health is simplistic, as you’ll discover later if you go down that route.  You might want to consider overall health, or wellness or wellbeing, which include additional types of health, such as occupational health (how you are in your job).   Then there’s happiness and quality of life – how do these fit?

If you’re interested in that, click the link here to see more information.

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Health Areas in Domains

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Domains

We break down the overall concept of health or wellness into ‘bite-sized chunks’ that we can actually do something about.  The first level we call health domains. 

We like the Life of Wellness site and we have chosen the following domains.

1. Emotional Wellness: Awareness and acceptance of feelings
2. Spiritual Wellness: A search for meaning and purpose
3. Intellectual Wellness: Recognition of your creativity, knowledge and skills
4. Physical Wellness: Need for physical activity and balanced nutrition
5. Environmental Wellness: Positive awareness and impact on your environment
6. Financial Wellness: Debt reduction, cash flow balance or financial future planning
7. Occupational Wellness: Personal achievement and enrichment from your career
8. Social Wellness: Contribution to your community

Health Areas

Within each domain, we have included a number of health areas. These are specific issues that you can tackle.  Within each health area, e.g. Depression, we have built additional information and exercises which you can do to help in the area. You can create your own Action Plan to address this area, and see

Emotional: Anxiety, Compassion Fatigue, Depression, Gambling, Laughter, Narcissistic, Personality Disorder, Sleep, Stress

Environmental: Environmental Issues, Greenness

Financial: Debt, Family Finance, Financial Planning, Financial Wellness

Intellectual: IQ, Personality, Procrastination

Occupational: Jobs for Different Personality Types, Retirement Income, Work Life Balance

Physical: Alcohol, Disabilities, Dizziness, Drugs, Fitness, Food Preferences, General Health, Healthy Ageing, Illness, Nutrition, Sleep Apnea, Smoking

Social: Communication Skills, Communication Styles, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Love Partnerships, Mental Abuse, Parenting Styles, Sexual Addiction

Spiritual: Are You Sensitive, Mystical Guidance, Spirituality

Each health area has supporting information and its own questionnaire.

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Understand Health

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Physical, financial and mental health

One definition of health is:

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. 

The NHS define health as: ‘We use a broad definition of health that encompasses both physical and mental health, as well as wellbeing. This means we are not only interested in whether or not people are ill or have a health condition, but also in how healthy and well they are.’

We believe we also have to consider financial health, as this can easily impact physical and mental health. Click the button to see an example of how these are connected.

 It gets more complicated…

What is Health? How about Wellness, Wellbeing or Happiness?

The Active Wellbeing Society (TAWS) define Health as a state of the overall mental and physical state of a person; the absence of disease. They define Wellbeing or wellness as a way of life that aims to enhance well-being and refers to a more holistic whole-of-life experience which also includes emotional and spiritual aspects of life.  We expand on this definition of health to include financial health and mental health, to make it synonymous with wellbeing or wellness.  

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Health domains

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We break down the overall concept of health or wellness into ‘bite-sized chunks’ that we can actually do something about.  The first level we call health domains.

We like the Life of Wellness site and we have chosen the following domains.

1. Emotional Wellness: Awareness and acceptance of feelings
2. Spiritual Wellness: A search for meaning and purpose
3. Intellectual Wellness: Recognition of your creativity, knowledge and skills
4. Physical Wellness: Need for physical activity and balanced nutrition
5. Environmental Wellness: Positive awareness and impact on your environment
6. Financial Wellness: Debt reduction, cash flow balance or financial future planning
7. Occupational Wellness: Personal achievement and enrichment from your career
8. Social Wellness: Contribution to your community

wellness wheel

Health Areas

Within each domain, we have included a number of health areas. These are specific issues that you can tackle.  Within each health area, e.g. Depression, once you have subscribed we have built additional information and exercises which you can do to help in the area.

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See which domains you should address

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Having established that we use 8 domains, you need to understand which you should concentrate on.

The 8 are:

  • Emotional
  • Environmental
  • Financial
  • Intellectual
  • Occupational
  • Physical
  • Social
  • Spiritual

 

You can take a questionnaire, which scores you in each domain.  You can decide which domains you are strong in, and which you need to improve.

Another analysis shows which domains you should look at, but also which domains you want to look at.

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Locus of Control

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  • We want to help people in all aspects of their health  – physical, financial and mental. We also provide detailed explanations of how overall health (or well-being) is measured.
  • We believe these things are often linked, so we try and address health holistically. We are building templates, questionnaires and exercises to help you identify what’s important to you.
  • We think people should try and take responsibility for  of their own health as much as they can.  See below for what that means.

People look at things differently.  Some people believe things happen to them, while others believe they can influence what happens to them. Technically this is called the ‘locus of control’.  People can have an Internal or external Locus of Control

So how do you see things?

Psychology Today have a 15 minute test which gives you a summary of your position you can buy the detailed results if you want to.

My Personality Test have a 10 minute test which gives you a summary.

People tend to take more responsibility (locus gets more internal) as they get older.  However, external isn’t always bad – for example if you are physically unable to do some things you can accept it and focus on the things you can do.  This American video explains the concept and gives examples of how this can affect relationships.

locus of control

Internal

  • More likely to take responsibility for actions
  • Tend to be less influenced by others

External

  • Blame outside forces for what happens
  • Don’t believe they can change their situation themselves

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Add your attitude to change - see how you view changes in your life

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Do you need to change?

No matter how healthy you are at the moment, the chances are that there are some areas you could improve. It may be that you have a real problem in one or more areas, and you would like to make some improvements.

At YouDrive we accept that there are many different degrees of ‘not wellness’ in a large number of different health areas, ranging from physical illness such as covid-19 through mental illness such as anxiety through to financial problems like debt.  We try and help where the problem ranges from ‘slight’ to quite bad’ – after this expert help and intervention may be needed.

However, especially in these times, we have to try and make these changes ourselves, possibly with some help from others, whether remotely or face to face.

The thing is, to make an improvement we have to change some things.

This involves changing our behaviour in some respects, and that’s not always easy.

Henry Ford, the creator of the assembly line, is quoted as saying “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”.  

henry ford

Another way of looking at this: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” – attributed to Albert Einstein.

Consequently we need to make some changes.  The problem is that we have already developed a lot of habits, some of which we need to break and replace by better ones.  Some of our bad habits have become entrenched, and the bad results they create in turn engender further bad habits to develop – in effect the bad habits can feed on themselves.

We need to understand how we can make changes and stick to them, and that’s what this part of your health profile is about.

It will involve some learning, through reading, some videos and some additional information and also seeing how you react to change currently.

It will also ask you to consider whether you feel you are in charge of your future, or whether you feel it’s all fate.

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Assess your overall health using a health questionnaire

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At YouDrive we try and help people improve their health. We use ‘health’ but we understand there are other terms such as wellbeing or even happiness that reflect how we are doing in our lives – if you’re interested in the different definitions and ideas see our page on the subject.

We want to help whether you have a particular problem – physical, financial or mental – or if you just want to improve some specific part of your life or just make some improvements overall.

You’d be surprised, but there has been a serious amount of scientific work done in this area over the last twenty years.

So first we allow you to assess your current health (or wellbeing, or happiness).  We do this by questionnaire.  Which one is determined by the type of person you are:

  1. You understand yourself well and want a quick overview of your health and wellness, and will drill down in any areas needing work
  2. You want to do a more detailed assessment and then focus on areas you’re already aware of
  3. You want to look at the whole situation in more detail across all the health domains.

By the way, we take your privacy seriously – we collect information that you choose to provide but we de-identify it as much as possible and will never share it with anyone without your explicit consent.

You can then drill down into some specific areas and there are more questionnaires to see your situation in these particular areas.  We provide you with specific information and refer you to other potential aspects of help. Our next step is to build a personalised action plan – for now we will make a suggestion for you to develop your own plan and then after a time you can see whether this has had a positive impact by retaking the test.

In future we will be engaging with medical and behavioural specialists to devise action plans for individual people with specific situations.

We have an overall questionnaire which you can complete which will assess your current state.

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Values, Attitudes and Beliefs

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We all have our beliefs, attitudes and values – these have developed throughout our life based on who we are and what we have done. Let’s look at what these are.

The University of Reading explain: “People’s values, beliefs and attitudes are formed and bonded over time through the influences of family, friends, society and life experiences. So, by the time you’re an adult, you can hold very definite views on just about everything with a sense of “no one is going to change my mind”.

The combination of your personal values, beliefs and attitudes are your moral principles that guide you in life and affect your behaviour. However, your views can wildly differ to others and in an institution such as a school, these beliefs may be counter to the values of the school, child development or indeed the law.” 

Let’s look more closely at the differences between beliefs, attitudes and values.

Beliefs

These come from real experiences – we think our beliefs are based on reality, but in fact our beliefs colour our experiences; also, an original experience e.g. when we were a child is not the same as what’s happening now. Beliefs can be moral, religious or cultural and reflect who we are. They can be rational (‘it gets colder in winter’) or irrational (‘I am never going to make something of myself’).

Attitudes

This is an immediate belief or disposition about something specific. It is a recurring group of beliefs and behaviours aimed at specific groups, people, ideas or objects. They will normally be positive or negative and we will always behave that way to the target group. Examples of attitudes include confidence (I can or can’t do something), grateful (I an entitled to / grateful for XXX) and cheerful (I am generally happy / miserable).

Values

These are things (principles or qualities) that we hold in high regard or consider to be worthwhile or right / wrong. They are formed by a belief related to the worth of something – an idea or behaviour. Some values are common (e.g. family comes first, the value of friendship) or cultural (which the whole community have – see video at Study.com here)

The theory

Links to Wikipedia

Expectancy Value Theory suggests you balance your beliefs about something with the value you attach to it. The Theory of Reasoned Action suggests that beliefs and evaluation about behavioural outcomes determine attitudes, and intentions lead directly to behaviour.

Beliefs

Expressions of confidence – can change over time

Attitudes

Learned predispositions to something – are subject to change

Values

Ideals that guide our behaviour – Generally long lasting and often need life changing experience to change

Iceberg demonstrating implicit and explicit bias – from Owlcation

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A Butterfly Life: 4 Keys to More Happiness, Better Health and Letting Your True Self Shine

Times of change can be a challenge, no doubt! Whether it’s a relationship breakup, job loss, or being diagnosed with a serious health issue. Or you may WANT things to be different, but it feels a little scary or overwhelming. The butterfly reminds us change can be beautiful, even necessary, in order to realize our full potential and live our best life.