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World communication is now instant and yet somehow we’re very limited in what we’re told.

The world communicates instantaneously but this communication is limited to what media companies wish to show, and this has led to misunderstanding, fake news, bias, propaganda, conspiracy theory, hidden agendas by certain groups, violence and civil disobedience.

The world communication today seems to be not news or information but propaganda, because it is done in a way to stir human emotion and make people react.

People like never before are searching for unbiased, raw reporting and information that shows the real situation. One has to admit world communication has never been better but in turn the way information is communicated can also be twisted and presented to gain a certain reaction from its recipients. Countries, communities, groups, family seem to have greater polarisation than ever before.

It seems today that nobody is entitled to hold an individual opinion anymore that does not agree with a wider group view. Society is silencing individual opinions and free-speech by labelling it  -IST: racist, fattist, ageist, misogynistic, narcissistic, etc.

Whilst a person may have a view that is different from mainstream that person in a free world is entitled to express themselves, but not today. But why!!! Surely with tolerance and reasonable debate people can live together with different views, we have done for several thousand years.

These issues in part explain the increase in social media – where people interact directly with each other. This removes state-wide bias but introduces individual beliefs. 

So, world communication has become more widespread even with the fake news but individual communication has never been worse. Communication in families is at its weakest point in 75 years with families spending time within their own personal space and not even interacting at the dinner table.

In many instances it’s the thing that made humans so good at communication: technology. 30-40 years ago, children in a family unit had to leave their homes to talk to their friends, and they were forced to communicate face to face with other family members. The distractions were less and the technology addiction was not there. Everyone today knows that the smartphone is putting individual family members in contact with their peer group, people they like, share the same views, same age, same outlook. So, they don’t get the views of different generations that are different from their own. You can understand why when a family go out together there are parents and children and each has their own preferences. Those preferences are played out using the smartphone.

Parents in the past were given the role of influencer, their children looking for guidance and support from them, until the smartphone fell into every child’s hand. Peer influence now kicks in instantaneously via text, picture, message or note of voice, to obtain a view or opinion from someone else. The ability to sound off when you’re frustrated would often happen internally and the family had time to address the matter. Sounding off can now take place with friends and connections within the person’s circle and they receive feedback. This has further alienated families with children effectively not speaking to parents thinking they are dinosaurs from a different era.

Firstly, it’s about education and knowledge. Getting everyone in a family or group on the same page. Getting every individual to understand the importance of communication and the benefits it brings to a family or group unit. People have to be listening and buying into the concept that there is value in investing in a family or group.

It’s like talking a foreign language
When communicating it’s as much about who you’re talking to as what you are saying. If you are talking to aliens your language and approach will be very different to someone that understands you. Aliens might seem extreme but if you’re talking to teenagers and you’re in your sixties the language and tone you use will switch off many and they stop listening. If you’re talking to your children it’s important to be able to speak with them openly, test for understanding and don’t take too long because most have a span of attention of about 15 minutes.

Another important aspect to communicating is what type of person are they. We have talked about this in PersonalityDrive. Locus of Control – internal or external? Are you talking to people who see the cup half empty or half full? Two prejudices come out here: if you’re a cup half full person and the recipients are cup half empty, firstly they might not believe you, and secondly they will listen for negative words or ambiguity so they can stop listening.

Know your audience
Even if this is just one person or your partner or child. If you are a colourful dynamic positive person who tends to embellish points and tell stories this will firstly switch off people who are interested in the facts and don’t want to stretch their imagination with your stories, and secondly, they won’t buy into the discussion.

Style of communication
Very quickly in life you should be able to judge what style you need to use when you’re communicating with others: partner, friends, children etc. all have a communicating style. If you’re trying to convince someone pragmatic about something and use emotive arguments and not hard facts the communication will be lost. If you have promised your children several times and failed to deliver on the promise, then when you want to talk about other things, they will have the prejudice in their minds. From a young age you should be able to also see what type of communication your children like, it may come from you or your partner. Again, to get good communication it is worth remembering these simple points.

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Under-communicating
Here are some things under-communicating does:
A. It breeds uncertainty and doubt
B. It turns into rumours, gossip, suspicion, and/or resentment
C. It causes people to switch off, to feel left in the dark, they stop listening
D. It leads to people reluctant to cooperate and drives people into ignoring someone
E. It can result in relationship breakdown and people becoming alienated, people feeling over-controlled
F. It results in frustration by the communication giver because they feel they are communicating enough. It might be enough for the communicator but not for the recipients.

Over-Communicating
Here are some of the things that happen with over-communicating
A. People who over talk and like the sound of their own voices alienate the recipients who may switch off
B. People stop listening and just hear mumbling and then start to drift off to something more interesting
C. It can make people angry who think: “why don’t they get to the point or just stick to the facts”
D. Some think it’s waffling for waffling’s sake
E. Recipients just give up and accept everything you say and then do whatever they want
F. Recipients start to group together in collaboration and look at each other during the discussion because they have joined the “stop the over-communicating” club.
G. People lie about things and make excuses to avoid a conversation
H. They think you’re a control freak.

Work group

Communicating with a work group is very much the same as personal communication. You need to know your recipients, what they are like, the tone, style, and atmosphere, how much time you have and how much interaction you want. The more you practice the better you become. Ad-libbing is fine if you know your subject matter and all the other related issues.  Often this allows some license to deviate from script and have fun with the recipients.

Always try to keep it short and succinct, funny (if that’s your style) and memorable. Don’t try to be funny if you’re not. People are blessed with humour and timing. Those who are not leave an embarrassing silence and nervous titter.

People paying lip service
These are dangerous people those who nod and smile in the right place and then when your back is turned completely ignore your points or even worse work to undermine what you’re saying and doing. In work or home if a person does not buy into the principle then they won’t go along with it.

Creating ownership, getting buy-in is critical to get any change. [See ChangeDrive].

Humans receive information in different ways and also behave in different ways. We think we are communicating effectively but If the recipient simply does not like you, they either won’t listen or what they hear will be used against you.

Back stabbers and two faced people as they are referred to, are often people who don’t like you The problem is, you don’t always know who they are. Speaking to a change expert they said: “When making changes in a large organisation there are 3 types of people: Allies, Mercenaries and Terrorists. When you start the change and attempt to communicate the plan Allies get it, they are flag bearers and people who are on the same wave length. Then there are Mercenaries, people who can benefit in any way by supporting your change or communication. Then there are the Terrorists. We call them this because you cannot tell them from any other person. They are dressed the same, behave the same and nod in all the right places and often are vocal in support but when you are out of reach they set out a plan to deliberately undermine everything you’re doing. These types of people are at all levels of an organization and the more influential they are the more it hampers change.

Finding a solution for overcoming this problem is not easy. Two faced people never like to admit they are, and it’s often part of their nature. But try identifying them and try to limit the damage they do.

Family group
Talking to a family group is very much the same but more familiar. If you’re talking with children, you have to work on their buy-in and they have to believe what you’re saying is going to benefit them. Their span of attention is close to zero, so keep it simple and short. Better still get them to contribute, ask them in advance to look at a specific thing and then everyone comes to the gathering and talks.

The other factor you need to take into consideration when you’re communicating with family is the same as work, there may be prejudice and dislikes, jealousy and hate. There is no point in communicating if there is an underlying problem. Resolve this first if you ever want to be able to communicate effectively.