Adulthood and working

Welcome to the next stage of your Life Journey - adulthood and work. This is such a critical time, especially for younger adults. All those years in education (or not) about to pay off as we venture into the workplace. Putting to test all those life skills our parents drilled into us (or not) and standing on our own two feet as an adult. This can be the most stressful time (or depressing) and differs for everyone. But your past DNA and social environment and upbringing will determine how easy or difficult you make the transition.

This part of life’s journey covers nearly 40 years. We provide help and guidance, tips and best practice. Success secrets when mapping out your working life. Starting work life very much depends on what your education track was like. Check out our JobDrive. This drive leads up to working life and discusses the critical steps to take when you look at your career.

Here are some intital thoughts about adulthood and working. GO!

Here are some facts and stats  about adulthood. GO!

We suggest life is like a boxing ring – you have several bouts – some you win, others you lose! GO!

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. True or false?  GO!

Make the leap from education and childhood to work GO!

Choose the right path – take a look around you.  GO!

Understand your natural characteristics and skills  GO!

Between 20 and 40 it’s time to make your mark – but things can go wrong!  GO!

Don’t try and take on too much – learn to spin plates!  GO!

Some people seem to make life appear easy.  See how.  GO!

Do people come along and dump their sh*t in your bucket?  GO!

Will or are you making hay while the sun shines? GO!

Take time to think how wonderful and beautiful life is.  There’s a lot to be happy about! GO!

This is about getting into a relationship and knowing your partner GO!

Can you do something memorable that could be written on your headstone? GO!

You may want to join us GO!

We have a testimonial  GO!

What next?  GO!

Some stuff you might like?  GO!

Some Initial Thoughts

Muhammed Ali

Welcome to adulthood!

When we reach adulthood, we have to take on responsibilities – one of these is often having to earn money to support your family. This can include working – sometimes this is fulfilling, often it isn’t – it’s something we have to do to provide..

Not many people are lucky enough to work somewhere they enjoy – but a lot of it is about attitude.

“Don’t count the days – make the days count.” – Muhammad Ali

Facts about adulthood and working

divorces
10 thousand

Divorces in the UK each year in comparison to 270,000 marriages

saved
£ 1 a week

on average during the pandemic by cutting out things like commuting and buying lunch out.

Source: https://www.finder.com/uk/working-from-home-statistics

people
1 %

in employment had done some work at home in April 2020 on average, as opposed to 26.7% of the workforce prior to the pandemic (ONS)

people
1 million

fell behind by one payment in 2020 – Citizens Advice

Iceland workers
86%

86% of Iceland population work a 4 day week

Cut budgets
56%

of parents had to cut budgets in order to ensure children did not go without.

Using savings
30%

of people had to use their savings to survive during the pandemic

Home working
65%

65% of workers said they would be more productive in a home office than a normal office.

Life is like a boxing ring

Life in general can be quite tough and as an analogy you could describe life as a boxing ring. You cannot escape life. You know that you are likely to get a few punches along the way and some may be harder and more longer lasting than you think.

Life is a fighting a variety of boxers - some are monsters and punch hard whilst others are softer and you win those bouts.

The first punch you may get that will knock you on your back will be that day when you get a call unexpectedly and are told someone close to you has died. It’s a life punch that will send you reeling. No life preparation can help you - it’s just life.

You can have accidents, serious illnesses, work/friend/neighbour disputes that can affect your mental health. Relationship break-ups, work disasters etc all pile on mental health pressure and can leave people anxious and depressed by life’s battles.

In any boxing match there are also times when you can win.

Obviously, parents and the establishment want to protect children until they are old enough and able enough to cope with life’s punches, battles and disappointments. Since WW2 progressively children have been protected even more from the harsh reality of life.

lifestyle family

Making the leap from full time education to work life

It's hard

There’s just so much change in the world today, so the job of preparing young people for the future has become increasingly difficult. The Institute of the Future issued a report in 2017 that said that 85 percent of the jobs in 2030—when today’s school kids will leave school—have not been invented yet. We’re also facing an unfolding crisis in the environment; rampant (or perceived) racial, ethnic, and gender inequities; the impending emergence of bioengineering and artificial intelligence; and escalating craziness on the geopolitical stage.

Scientific evidence reveals that slower, strategic transitions to adulthood can be beneficial and that family and other types of support are crucial in determining how young people fare. Let’s look at some ideas.

career path signpost

Choosing the right path – take a look around you

They say 25 to 45 is the period when you need to make it in whatever you’re doing. Formal education has finished and now it’s time to make your money and build your career. During this period, you need to make as much money as you can. Money isn’t everything but it does give you more options especially if you decide to change careers or buy a business later in life then a support pot of money can help.

From a career perspective you would hope to have made some good inroads up the career ladder by this time and got into a position whereby from there you can springboard into senior management or qualify as an expert in your field. In today’s world the working career can be from 20 to 70 – a whole 50 years. During this time, we will be focused on life and earning. Maybe starting a family or buying a house. We tend to be totally engrossed in making it in life. Often what happens is we forget the basics; who we are and what made us happy. There’s the old saying; all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. This is so true. If you speak to anyone who has already made the journey, they will tell you; ‘trust me 20 years flies by and you don’t realise’.

We have said life is a journey not a destination, you can’t go back and rerun it.

Therefore making it hard working but enjoyable is the key to a successful life. There are many people today who are successful and surround themselves with material things that they think makes them happy, but it doesn’t. You often see famous footballers or actresses owning 25 cars and think what do they want with all those cars. Well, it’s often like a short-lived drug shot and makes them happy. When it’s worn off, they are looking for the next thing to buy to stimulate happiness.
Internal happiness that is free and costs nothing is better. The ability to watch the sun rise or set or listen to the birds in the trees is a beautiful thing, and it costs nothing. But having said this if materialism does make you happy and it helps you feel fulfilled in life then there’s nothing wrong with it.

personality who you are

Understanding myself, my characteristic and natural skills – know yourself

Knowing who you are, what you like or don’t will help you determine the right career path. If you are in doubt also look at your parents’ characters and disposition and think will I be like that at 40? There are clues to help you but you need to look.

Success suggest that to know yourself you should:
Be quiet. You cannot and will not be able to discover yourself until you take the time to be still. ...
Realize who you truly are, not who you want to be. ...
Find what you are good at (and not good at). ...
Find what you are passionate about. ...
Ask for feedback. ...
Assess your relationships...

man with stress

Between 20 and 40 its time to make your mark

Between 20 and 40 its time to make your mark but things don’t always go smoothly.

Things often don’t go to plan during your early years and you need to be adaptable and always ready for change. Most adults appear to stop formal learning at 22 and then get on with life. Learning to keep learning is imperative if you wish to become successful. Below are some helpful points about how to remain alert and aware of life changes.

don't overstretch yourself

Don’t overstretch yourself

Don’t overstretch yourself financially/physically or emotionally because if change comes and you cannot manoeuvre around the obstacles set in your way you could have big problems. People have a habit of earning good money and then start; splashing the cash, taking out credit and credit cards and then one day boom you lose your job or you have a serious accident that stops you earning or earning as much but the credit still needs to be repaid. Build your cash reserves and split your eyeline into today and tomorrow. Focusing too much on the future will lead to a loss of focus on today. It’s a fine balance.

We build our lives step by step brick by brick progressively over time. But if we get carried away with our success we want more and spend more. 120,000 people went personally bankrupt in 2019 and 150,000 in 2020 and its steadily increasing. Credit in the UK is so easy to obtain because the lenders put the responsibility of lending on the creditor. So try to avoid exposing yourself and losing everything you have built.

Learn to spin plates

Life often feels like plate spinning when you have so many things to do. If fact some people often take on more plates and run up and down the line trying to keep all the plates spinning. Eventually something will give; either we collapse and all the plates crash to the ground or a few plates crash but we manage to keep others spinning. This is all about not over stretching yourself in any matter or situation. The next section talks about focus, if we focus on spinning the main plates in our life [ each plate can be a factor, item, task, issue, relationship etc] we can cope well, but sometimes we need to add more, which is fine in the short term but over an extended period we can lose focus on our main plates or priorities and they can if not watched carefully start to crash and burn. 

Often people take on too many tasks or issues in life and when we lose focus things go wrong. Sometimes you have to let some plates go, to enable you to carry on with the other plates.

People who suffer with stress and anxiety have a vast number of plates spinning at the same time and wonder why they cannot cope. Taking control of your life and learning to spin the right number of plates and keep harmony in your life is a starter to controlling you stress and anxiety levels.

spin plates
glasses focus

It’s all about Focus

Look how we appreciate, admire sports people who are top of their game. We stand in awe of their skill and expertise. The old saying: they make it look so easy.

Often what comes with the level of expertise is a total dedication and focus to the expertise. Everyday training and focus. In the world of work, it’s the same. If we don’t give focus and dedication to our work expertise, we will find standards slip and we lose momentum. The problem for the majority of humans is distraction and span of attention. Most humans love habits but that does not mean focus. Our brain has the great ability to subconsciously do mundane tasks without us even thinking too much.

Another old saying is; you cannot take your eye off the ball otherwise you will miss it. Work and careers are the same. We go to work earn good money and then we surround ourselves with material distractions. In fact, not just sports but any discipline that people excel will tell you its all about focus and dedication. If we get distracted the things slip and we lose our edge.

A good example of this is a business person who has a failing business shouldn’t buy another business to compensate as all this leads to is a defocus from the main business. The main business needs more focus not less.

sod all box

The Sod All box

On your life journey you are busy getting on with life, working, building a life or family. Stresses and frustrations also become part of everyday life and we start to let them fill our heads. Here is a simple technique that helps you learn how to manage issues or problems in your life and surrounding areas of your life.s.

In life we will encounter many issues and problems and often devote brain time worrying about them. The reality is often that some the problems or issues we get anxious about we can do absolutely nothing about therefore why worry about something that you cannot do anything about. >

A great example for living your life is the sod all box.

There are some things in life you can control. This is about you. You can control what actions you take, what you say and, with awareness, what you think and how you react to events.
There are also some things you can influence. Casting your vote in an election, influence a group or party, or individual. You can also influence others and their behaviour through your own.
Finally, there’s the ‘sod all’ box, which contains all those things you can’t do anything about.
The sun coming up and sun going down. Time. The tide. Death.
There are things in life you cannot do anything about. So ask yourself when a frustrating situation occurs;
Can I control it: yes or no
Can I influence it or anyone else: yes or no
Therefore, it must be in the box I can do absolutely nothing about

choose battles wisely

You can’t win every battle- so choose which ones

We all have battles, conflicts, goals, arguments or objectives we want to win, either in work or personnel. One thing is clear and talk to all top persons and they will tell you. When you want to get your own way or win a battle or objective you need to decide which ones you want to win and ones you are happy to lose or compromise on. You cannot win all battles there are too many and its exhausting. Choosing the right battle said arguments to win and getting behind them.

Learning to read situations and deciding which situation you will invest your time in and win the day. This also means you don’t worry over those things that are not important to you.

shit bucket

Life sh*t bucket

Lets start by saying everyone has one and dependent on how you run your life and deal with life’s Sh*t depends on how full it gets.

Some people have wonderful tidy and clean Sh*t buckets. Some have their lives so well and truly together that they have a lid on it and it works really well.

But some people have so much self induced sh*t that they trade in their sh*t bucket at the shop for a sh*t bin. You must also know those people who have car crash lives and go one step further and trade up further for a sh*t skip.

make hay while the sun shines

Making hay whilst the sun shines

The saying make hay while the sun shines mean you have to make the most of the time period to get ahead when conditions are ideal. 25 to 50 is the time to make this happen. It’s also a time when we are building relationships and even starting a family so it can be extremely stressful.

Life begins at 40 or does it?

Does life really begin at 40? I guess it’s down to the individual. The saying comes from a time when parents married at 20 and had grown up children by the time, they were forty. Most certainly by the time you’re forty you should be established and life should be reasonably stable and progressing, hopefully with a better financial situation than when you were in your 20s. But today many children are staying at home into their 30s and parents are working into their 70s, so things have changed.

Ideally life should really begin (assuming the meaning is supposed to be you taking charge of your life and making it more positive and uplifting) as a child and hopefully your parents provided a balanced happy upbringing.

Even if not, when you become an adult, you’re in charge and life should begin then. You’re in charge of your life from there and making the best of it is down to you. If you choose to get your head down and not look up until you retire then that’s your choice.

Alternatively, you could say life is a journey and not a destination and I need to balance my life with work and pleasure. I need to ensure I live a healthy lifestyle and keep myself in check for the long journey and enjoy the journey. After all how many of us would go on a long journey and never look out of the window and at the last minute look up as we arrive. Just think what you would have missed.

In the 50s,60s,70s,80s the philosophy was to grow up, get a job, work hard, find a partner, buy a house, have a family, go on holiday once/twice a year, pay off your mortgage, get rid of your kids, retire and then die. Often education stopped at 22 including self-education and was replaced with work focus. Today this thinking is getting challenged and has definitely changed. People are finding ways of working differently the words work life balance enters the equation and people are now seeing the folly of that lifestyle. There wasn’t anything wrong with it but for many people all that happened was they grew up. They worked, they had annual holidays and then retired, often had ill health and then died. Many are saying today there has to be more to life than this.

beautiful scenes

Life is so wonderful and magical

Whilst we have to work to live, eat, provide shelter and have a family it has to be a balance. You hear stories of people never leaving the town they grew up in, work until retirement, have 5 years of gardening then get ill health and die at 75. This is not unusual it is UK life in general. So how is it changing. Well children are staying at home until much later. Parents are having children in their 40s and work life balance is embedded in work culture now. In the UK we have a strong work ethic and when you include work travel it means we are out of the home 10 hours a day. Some comparable countries such as France, The Netherlands, Denmark don’t share the same work ethic. The French have more public holidays than any other country. The Netherlands averages a 33-hour working week and Denmark try to operate a 4-day week. But these economies work just as efficiently as the UK. Iceland now offers a 4-day working week for anyone who wants it.

our world

Lessons learned

During the pandemic we saw lockdowns and working from home developed. Strangely during this time, we found that climate change indicators returned to below average due to the lack of travel. So, if we worked more from home than at an office in a city, we can reduce our carbon footprint and save office space which could be converted in living accommodation. 85% of homeworkers indicated they would prefer a work from home and infrequently visit the office policy and that work line balance increased by 68% according to the ONS.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

well, that saying has been proved over and over again. So life is for living not just working. So, our suggestion is to think deeply and take time out to think through your life strategy. Consult with family and friends. Talk to older people who have lived a life, not necessarily the one you want to live but they will have experienced life’s twists and turns.

childbirth in history

Don't wait for life to happen

This video from Peter Sage at Ted Talks is about stopping waiting for life to happen. It is 17 minutes long, but it’s interesting to cover emotion, logic and connections. We found this video fascinating - when you consider the trials of history it's remarkable that we're not only alive at a wonderful time but feeling the stresses of that time.

It asks and answers the question: What's the ultimate app?

Time Flies

Ask anybody who is 75 about when the time flies the fastest and they generally will say it gets faster as you get older, so don’t get caught out and make the most of it. Many people are so busy working that time fly’s past and before you know it, you’re 65 and thinking of retirement. When you are in your 40s and 50s those people who have a hobby or talent could enjoy it, or even turn it into a part time business. It is a brilliant way to make that transition from full time work to vocational lifestyle.
Over 90% of 35- to 55-year-olds wished they could change occupation. [Guardian]. Therefore, it makes sense if you have an interest you start to work to achieve your goals early on and when the time is right making your move. If you have worked for 30 years and you want to make the move don’t knee jerk. It could take 5 years to make the move but eventually you can do – with the right planning.
According to the Department for Business self-employed survey the three main reasons for self-employment are; flexibility, independence, and job satisfaction. The survey also said 20% of employees commenced self-employment whilst employed. The self-employed feel their lives are better overall and over half think they are better off financially
• 84% thought their life overall was better in self-employment compared with being an employee and over half believe they are better off financially than they would be as an employee.

good relationship

Getting into a relationship - knowing your partner

During the journey we will meet someone special. Someone who we get on with, share the same philosophy on life and perhaps have similar characteristics. Often in the early adult years our dating shopping [wish list] list is perhaps quite basic and limited, ask anyone in their 50s who is on the dating scene and they will tell you the list is a lot longer having had a lifetime of experience knowing what the like, want and don’t want from a partner.

Remember people change
What formed their views, opinions, attitudes and beliefs were engrained in their mind before you met and before they had a lot of life experiences. So, choosing someone who has a cup half empty attitude or a lack of ambition is not good to someone who is a cup half full and a go getter. Check out our relationshipDrive to learn about the veneer. Some people will tell you what they think you want to hear and will match your behaviour but deep down they are different.

Once you have children you are bonded at the hip for at least 20 years. If children come along during your relationship remember that adds another plate to spin and if you fall out with your partner you have no choice but get on for the sake of the children. Strangely some people think when their relationship is on the rocks a baby will bond them together, absolutely not, never no.
The other important factor when choosing a partner is to think DNA. If we start a family, what offspring are we likely to create. A quick review of each other’s family history will give you indicators; such as mental health, medical wellness, attitude history, characteristics, etc. I know many will say yes but love is more important and chemistry, true it is but you should not dismiss the other parts. There is not magic formula for choosing the right partner but you can put some effort to getting it even partially right.

10 Tips for Choosing the Right Partner
Find someone who you can connect with easily
Don’t make choices out of fear: So many times people either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear.
Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the start mark
Give people a chance that you normally wouldn’t give a chance to
Have a flexible check list that is for guidance rather than absolute
Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership
Don’t let lust be your guide
Don’t confuse an “emotional roller coaster” with being crazy about
Find someone you can be yourself around
Don’t keep waiting for something to change that obviously won’t
Have fun!

what will it say on your gravestone

What will it say on your gravestone?

What will they write on your headstone?

All of us can’t be Einstein or Copernicus but we can all make the best of our lives as we can. If you ever visit a cemetery, you see the endless headstones with the same messages. We all can make an impression on this earth so our time is not forgotten and we can mark this. Be it helping others, saving someone’s life, and Adventurer, and explorer, a hobbyist. Leaving a lasting impression on those we leave behind is so important.

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"Life is like a camera… Focus on what’s important Capture the good times, Develop from the negatives, And if things don’t work out, Take another shot.."
Ziad K. Abdelnour
Lebanese-born American investment banker, financier,[1] activist, and author

Next Steps

It doesn’t matter what stage  you’re at – it’s important to be the best you can be.  At the end of the day it’s about taking personal responsibility – You Drive!

It’s really your choice. You can find out more information about the subject, or see other institutions that can help by going to Support. There you will find organisations, training, coaching, self-help courses and other items to support your personal change. We have also started developing a panel of experts to provide info, advice, help and support. 

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The Art of Being a Brilliant Teenager

Calling all teenagers—quit the moaning and start loving life!

The Art of Being A Brilliant Teenager teaches you how to become your very best self—and how to figure out who that is, exactly.


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Taking Charge of Your Career

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Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff:

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Learning to Lead, Leading to Learn:

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Spinning Plates

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Spinning Plates has around 800 tips, starting with ideas for working while pregnant, looking after emotional needs and relationships, arranging child care, deciding whether to return to work or not and tackling issues of confidence.


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A Few Wise Words:

Stories of success and inspirational advice from 22 extraordinary individuals

A Few Wise Words is the perfect guide for young people, young adults (and older adults too) on how to prepare for our personal journey towards success, purpose, and fulfilment in life.


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Eliminate Negative Thinking

How to Overcome Negativity, Control Your Thoughts, And Stop Overthinking. Shift Your Focus into Positive Thinking, Self-Acceptance, And Radical Self Love.

Spinning Plates has around 800 tips, starting with ideas for working while pregnant, looking after emotional needs and relationships, arranging child care, deciding whether to return to work or not and tackling issues of confidence.


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Too Many Reasons to Live

The huge Sunday Times number one bestselling inspirational memoir from rugby league legend Rob Burrow on his extraordinary career and his battle with motor neurone disease.


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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

The legendary relationships guide that mothers recommend to their daughters, friends give as gifts and brothers steal from their sisters, MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS is inarguably the definitive book on having a happy relationship.


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The Working Dad’s Survival Guide

How to Succeed at Work and at Home Paperback

Hey Dad! Ever felt torn between advancing in your career and spending quality time with family? The Working Dad’s Survival Guide is for you.


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Stuff you might want regarding adulthood and working life

Now you’ve read about adulthood you might want to make a bit of a statement.  Have a look at some stuff below we think has some humour value!  We may make pennies on commission, but that’s not the point really.  Click on the image to see more details

The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

This remarkable book has already helped readers the world over achieve the seemingly impossible just by learning how to bring the incredible force of the subconscious under their control.

 

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Own Life with Purpose: How to Engineer a Lifestyle that Fulfills your Dreams (The Own Life Collection)

Do you make the most of life by using time wisely?

Are you like a charged battery, always full of energy and ready to go?

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Well… This is disappointing, Grave Stone long sleeved Tee shirt

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Stuff Every Teen Needs to Know About Parents, Friends, Social Media, Drinking, Dating, Relationships, and Finding Happiness

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Life Is A Journey Not A Destination Long Sleeve Tee Shirt

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All areas of health are interlinked

You need to scroll down to see all the info in this popup – sorry for going on so much!

Find your initial focus

You might think that physical, financial and mental health are quite separate, and for some people they are. However, often a problem in one area has a knock-on effect on others. Losing your job can lead to anxiety and depression, which can turn you to drink and impact your health.

You might have a severe issue in one area but that can lead to problems in other areas, and the people treating you for the first problem won’t be equipped to deal with these linked issues.

For example, doctors and nurses can treat you for a physical problem but can’t advise you about your job or finances.  Nor for the anxiety that comes with it, apart from prescribing some drugs, which might or might not be the best solution.

We encourage you to take a holistic view – we look at all areas and offer support across the whole spectrum.

health areas interlinked

Even this view of health is simplistic, as you’ll discover later if you go down that route.  You might want to consider overall health, or wellness or wellbeing, which include additional types of health, such as occupational health (how you are in your job).   Then there’s happiness and quality of life – how do these fit?

If you’re interested in that, click the link here to see more information.

To close this box and go back click the X at the top or just click outside the box

Too Many Reasons to Live

The huge Sunday Times number one bestselling inspirational memoir from rugby league legend Rob Burrow on his extraordinary career and his battle with motor neurone disease.


Go to Amazon

Eliminate Negative Thinking

How to Overcome Negativity, Control Your Thoughts, And Stop Overthinking. Shift Your Focus into Positive Thinking, Self-Acceptance, And Radical Self Love.

Spinning Plates has around 800 tips, starting with ideas for working while pregnant, looking after emotional needs and relationships, arranging child care, deciding whether to return to work or not and tackling issues of confidence.


Go to Amazon

The Art of Being a Brilliant Teenager

Calling all teenagers—quit the moaning and start loving life!

The Art of Being A Brilliant Teenager teaches you how to become your very best self—and how to figure out who that is, exactly.


Go to Amazon

The Working Dad’s Survival Guide

How to Succeed at Work and at Home PaperbackHey Dad! Ever felt torn between advancing in your career and spending quality time with family? The Working Dad’s Survival Guide is for you.

Taking Charge of Your Career

The Essential Guide to Finding the Job That’s Right for You

This action-oriented and pragmatic book will help you overcome the barriers to deciding on a career and changing career, giving you a proven roadmap to achieve your goals.


Go to Amazon

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff:

Simple ways to Keep the Little Things from Overtaking Your Life: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

So many of us would like to live our lives in a calmer and less stressful way, and be able to let go of our problems. This is the book that can show you how to stop letting the little things in life drive you crazy.


Go to Amazon

Learning to Lead, Leading to Learn:

Lessons from Toyota Leader Isao Yoshino on a Lifetime of Continuous Learning

In the international bestselling book Learning to Lead, Leading to Learn, leadership coach Katie Anderson and Toyota leader Isao Yoshino bring you a remarkable book about what it means to learn, to lead, and to care


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Spinning Plates

Tips, Thoughts and Ideas for Juggling Work, Parenting and Home

Spinning Plates has around 800 tips, starting with ideas for working while pregnant, looking after emotional needs and relationships, arranging child care, deciding whether to return to work or not and tackling issues of confidence.


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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

The legendary relationships guide that mothers recommend to their daughters, friends give as gifts and brothers steal from their sisters, MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS is inarguably the definitive book on having a happy relationship.


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A Few Wise Words:

Stories of success and inspirational advice from 22 extraordinary individuals

A Few Wise Words is the perfect guide for young people, young adults (and older adults too) on how to prepare for our personal journey towards success, purpose, and fulfilment in life.


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Health Areas in Domains

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Domains

We break down the overall concept of health or wellness into ‘bite-sized chunks’ that we can actually do something about.  The first level we call health domains. 

We like the Life of Wellness site and we have chosen the following domains.

1. Emotional Wellness: Awareness and acceptance of feelings
2. Spiritual Wellness: A search for meaning and purpose
3. Intellectual Wellness: Recognition of your creativity, knowledge and skills
4. Physical Wellness: Need for physical activity and balanced nutrition
5. Environmental Wellness: Positive awareness and impact on your environment
6. Financial Wellness: Debt reduction, cash flow balance or financial future planning
7. Occupational Wellness: Personal achievement and enrichment from your career
8. Social Wellness: Contribution to your community

Health Areas

Within each domain, we have included a number of health areas. These are specific issues that you can tackle.  Within each health area, e.g. Depression, we have built additional information and exercises which you can do to help in the area. You can create your own Action Plan to address this area, and see

Emotional: Anxiety, Compassion Fatigue, Depression, Gambling, Laughter, Narcissistic, Personality Disorder, Sleep, Stress

Environmental: Environmental Issues, Greenness

Financial: Debt, Family Finance, Financial Planning, Financial Wellness

Intellectual: IQ, Personality, Procrastination

Occupational: Jobs for Different Personality Types, Retirement Income, Work Life Balance

Physical: Alcohol, Disabilities, Dizziness, Drugs, Fitness, Food Preferences, General Health, Healthy Ageing, Illness, Nutrition, Sleep Apnea, Smoking

Social: Communication Skills, Communication Styles, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Love Partnerships, Mental Abuse, Parenting Styles, Sexual Addiction

Spiritual: Are You Sensitive, Mystical Guidance, Spirituality

Each health area has supporting information and its own questionnaire.

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Understand Health

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Physical, financial and mental health

One definition of health is:

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. 

The NHS define health as: ‘We use a broad definition of health that encompasses both physical and mental health, as well as wellbeing. This means we are not only interested in whether or not people are ill or have a health condition, but also in how healthy and well they are.’

We believe we also have to consider financial health, as this can easily impact physical and mental health. Click the button to see an example of how these are connected.

 It gets more complicated…

What is Health? How about Wellness, Wellbeing or Happiness?

The Active Wellbeing Society (TAWS) define Health as a state of the overall mental and physical state of a person; the absence of disease. They define Wellbeing or wellness as a way of life that aims to enhance well-being and refers to a more holistic whole-of-life experience which also includes emotional and spiritual aspects of life.  We expand on this definition of health to include financial health and mental health, to make it synonymous with wellbeing or wellness.  

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Values, Attitudes and Beliefs

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We all have our beliefs, attitudes and values – these have developed throughout our life based on who we are and what we have done. Let’s look at what these are.

The University of Reading explain: “People’s values, beliefs and attitudes are formed and bonded over time through the influences of family, friends, society and life experiences. So, by the time you’re an adult, you can hold very definite views on just about everything with a sense of “no one is going to change my mind”.

The combination of your personal values, beliefs and attitudes are your moral principles that guide you in life and affect your behaviour. However, your views can wildly differ to others and in an institution such as a school, these beliefs may be counter to the values of the school, child development or indeed the law.” 

Let’s look more closely at the differences between beliefs, attitudes and values.

Beliefs

These come from real experiences – we think our beliefs are based on reality, but in fact our beliefs colour our experiences; also, an original experience e.g. when we were a child is not the same as what’s happening now. Beliefs can be moral, religious or cultural and reflect who we are. They can be rational (‘it gets colder in winter’) or irrational (‘I am never going to make something of myself’).

Attitudes

This is an immediate belief or disposition about something specific. It is a recurring group of beliefs and behaviours aimed at specific groups, people, ideas or objects. They will normally be positive or negative and we will always behave that way to the target group. Examples of attitudes include confidence (I can or can’t do something), grateful (I an entitled to / grateful for XXX) and cheerful (I am generally happy / miserable).

Values

These are things (principles or qualities) that we hold in high regard or consider to be worthwhile or right / wrong. They are formed by a belief related to the worth of something – an idea or behaviour. Some values are common (e.g. family comes first, the value of friendship) or cultural (which the whole community have – see video at Study.com here)

The theory

Links to Wikipedia

Expectancy Value Theory suggests you balance your beliefs about something with the value you attach to it. The Theory of Reasoned Action suggests that beliefs and evaluation about behavioural outcomes determine attitudes, and intentions lead directly to behaviour.

Beliefs

Expressions of confidence – can change over time

Attitudes

Learned predispositions to something – are subject to change

Values

Ideals that guide our behaviour – Generally long lasting and often need life changing experience to change

Iceberg demonstrating implicit and explicit bias – from Owlcation

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Assess your overall health using a health questionnaire

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At YouDrive we try and help people improve their health. We use ‘health’ but we understand there are other terms such as wellbeing or even happiness that reflect how we are doing in our lives – if you’re interested in the different definitions and ideas see our page on the subject.

We want to help whether you have a particular problem – physical, financial or mental – or if you just want to improve some specific part of your life or just make some improvements overall.

You’d be surprised, but there has been a serious amount of scientific work done in this area over the last twenty years.

So first we allow you to assess your current health (or wellbeing, or happiness).  We do this by questionnaire.  Which one is determined by the type of person you are:

  1. You understand yourself well and want a quick overview of your health and wellness, and will drill down in any areas needing work
  2. You want to do a more detailed assessment and then focus on areas you’re already aware of
  3. You want to look at the whole situation in more detail across all the health domains.

By the way, we take your privacy seriously – we collect information that you choose to provide but we de-identify it as much as possible and will never share it with anyone without your explicit consent.

You can then drill down into some specific areas and there are more questionnaires to see your situation in these particular areas.  We provide you with specific information and refer you to other potential aspects of help. Our next step is to build a personalised action plan – for now we will make a suggestion for you to develop your own plan and then after a time you can see whether this has had a positive impact by retaking the test.

In future we will be engaging with medical and behavioural specialists to devise action plans for individual people with specific situations.

We have an overall questionnaire which you can complete which will assess your current state.

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Add your attitude to change - see how you view changes in your life

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Do you need to change?

No matter how healthy you are at the moment, the chances are that there are some areas you could improve. It may be that you have a real problem in one or more areas, and you would like to make some improvements.

At YouDrive we accept that there are many different degrees of ‘not wellness’ in a large number of different health areas, ranging from physical illness such as covid-19 through mental illness such as anxiety through to financial problems like debt.  We try and help where the problem ranges from ‘slight’ to quite bad’ – after this expert help and intervention may be needed.

However, especially in these times, we have to try and make these changes ourselves, possibly with some help from others, whether remotely or face to face.

The thing is, to make an improvement we have to change some things.

This involves changing our behaviour in some respects, and that’s not always easy.

Henry Ford, the creator of the assembly line, is quoted as saying “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”.  

henry ford

Another way of looking at this: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” – attributed to Albert Einstein.

Consequently we need to make some changes.  The problem is that we have already developed a lot of habits, some of which we need to break and replace by better ones.  Some of our bad habits have become entrenched, and the bad results they create in turn engender further bad habits to develop – in effect the bad habits can feed on themselves.

We need to understand how we can make changes and stick to them, and that’s what this part of your health profile is about.

It will involve some learning, through reading, some videos and some additional information and also seeing how you react to change currently.

It will also ask you to consider whether you feel you are in charge of your future, or whether you feel it’s all fate.

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Locus of Control

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  • We want to help people in all aspects of their health  – physical, financial and mental. We also provide detailed explanations of how overall health (or well-being) is measured.
  • We believe these things are often linked, so we try and address health holistically. We are building templates, questionnaires and exercises to help you identify what’s important to you.
  • We think people should try and take responsibility for  of their own health as much as they can.  See below for what that means.

People look at things differently.  Some people believe things happen to them, while others believe they can influence what happens to them. Technically this is called the ‘locus of control’.  People can have an Internal or external Locus of Control

So how do you see things?

Psychology Today have a 15 minute test which gives you a summary of your position you can buy the detailed results if you want to.

My Personality Test have a 10 minute test which gives you a summary.

People tend to take more responsibility (locus gets more internal) as they get older.  However, external isn’t always bad – for example if you are physically unable to do some things you can accept it and focus on the things you can do.  This American video explains the concept and gives examples of how this can affect relationships.

locus of control

Internal

  • More likely to take responsibility for actions
  • Tend to be less influenced by others

External

  • Blame outside forces for what happens
  • Don’t believe they can change their situation themselves

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See which domains you should address

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Having established that we use 8 domains, you need to understand which you should concentrate on.

The 8 are:

  • Emotional
  • Environmental
  • Financial
  • Intellectual
  • Occupational
  • Physical
  • Social
  • Spiritual

 

You can take a questionnaire, which scores you in each domain.  You can decide which domains you are strong in, and which you need to improve.

Another analysis shows which domains you should look at, but also which domains you want to look at.

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Health domains

You need to scroll down to see all the info in this popup – sorry for going on so much!

We break down the overall concept of health or wellness into ‘bite-sized chunks’ that we can actually do something about.  The first level we call health domains.

We like the Life of Wellness site and we have chosen the following domains.

1. Emotional Wellness: Awareness and acceptance of feelings
2. Spiritual Wellness: A search for meaning and purpose
3. Intellectual Wellness: Recognition of your creativity, knowledge and skills
4. Physical Wellness: Need for physical activity and balanced nutrition
5. Environmental Wellness: Positive awareness and impact on your environment
6. Financial Wellness: Debt reduction, cash flow balance or financial future planning
7. Occupational Wellness: Personal achievement and enrichment from your career
8. Social Wellness: Contribution to your community

wellness wheel

Health Areas

Within each domain, we have included a number of health areas. These are specific issues that you can tackle.  Within each health area, e.g. Depression, once you have subscribed we have built additional information and exercises which you can do to help in the area.

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A Butterfly Life: 4 Keys to More Happiness, Better Health and Letting Your True Self Shine

Times of change can be a challenge, no doubt! Whether it’s a relationship breakup, job loss, or being diagnosed with a serious health issue. Or you may WANT things to be different, but it feels a little scary or overwhelming. The butterfly reminds us change can be beautiful, even necessary, in order to realize our full potential and live our best life.